We've all heard Wonderwall a thousand times, It means a lot to a lot of people I suppose but, Heaven knows I'm getting tired, Of Madchester animals around the camp fire. Give me something dissonant that really matters, I'm so sick of listening to the Gallaghers. Play me something I haven't heard before, Play me something I haven't heard before, Play me something I haven't heard before, What else is your stereo for? "Hit me baby one more time" the Travis version, Was a kind of interesting joke at first then, Every idiot with an acoustic guitar, Started singing "Still believe" in a high register. Give me something dissonant that really matters, I'm so sick of irony and knowing laughter. "Zombie zombie", "Rock me baby like a wagon wheel", Every open mic I've ever seen, Billions in unpaid royalties. Give me something dissonant that really matters, I'm so sick of all of these cheesy characters.

Let's dance round the sun, For a little bit, Try and have some fun, For a little bit, Sing and scream and shout, For a little bit, That's what life's about, For a little bit. And if you're feeling rough, The morning after, Try not to focus on imminent disaster, You can turn that crying into laughter, When all is said and done a little love is all we're after. And if you're starting to feel sketchy, There's a sure fire remedy, Nip to the corner shop and fetch me, A twenty deck of cigarettes, And eight tins of dirty T.

I prayed to my God for more hair on my head, I prayed to my God I had not said what I had said, I prayed to my God for five more minutes in bed, But God is a very busy man. God is a very busy man my son, God is a very busy man, One thing that you must try to understand, Is God is a very busy man. I prayed to my God for one more slice of cake, I prayed to my God there's be no more heart ache, I prayed to my God he'd forgive all my mistakes, But God is a very busy man. God is a very busy man my son, God is a very busy man, One thing that you must always understand, Is God is a very busy man. I prayed to my God for World Peace, Or an end to poverty at the very least, I prayed to my God - I implored, I beseeched, But God is a very busy man. Now I'm an Atheist I don't prayer any more, Although now and them I still can here the Devil at my door, But he gets real quiet if I just drink a little more, Cus God is a very busy man. God is a very busy man my son, God is a very busy man, One thing that you must always try to understand, Is God is a very busy man, Yeah God is a very busy man, Yeah God is a very busy man.

Last night I had a dream about a beautiful future we could all inhabit, Where we recycled everything, Cars ran on positive energy, And children still believed in magic, And all we had to do to make it happen, Was show unconditional love to the planet, And put aside our differences, So we could all learn how to be telepathic. The answer my friend, Is blowing in the wind, The times they are a-changing, But it's all so confusing, Everybody's talking at once, No-one's listening, Cus unfortunately, All the revolutionaries, Are on drugs. Early one morning as I was watching, Peaky Blinders on the television, I came up with a hundred percent workable, Alternative to capitalism, I immediately began calculating, The logistics of my magnificent vision, But then I rolled up another fat one, And Peaky Blinders was suddenly more interesting. The other day I was overwhelmed, By a monumental feeling, That finally gave life, the universe and everything, Some kind of meaning, I wrote it down so the next day I could give it a reading, It said - "When I stretch my hands up high enough I can almost touch the ceiling!" London's burning, With boredom now, London's burning, Dial nine nine nine nine nine, London's burning, With boredom now, London's burning.

I love you but you're not like me, And that's the last thing in the World that I would want you to be, I love you but you're not like me, And that's the last thing in the World that I would want you to be. You've got a certain style, And I like your face, You are an asset to what's left, Of the human race, You still believe, In what's right, You still wanna be a hero, And fight the good fight. But you're lonely, And you're afraid, And it seems like so much effort to be noble and brave. You have faith in yourself, And that's fine, You'll always be true to who you are, But you'll never be mine, I could show you, A good time, But I still can't escape the emptiness, I feel inside. Cus I'm lonely, And I'm afraid, And it seems like so much effort to be noble and brave. I love you but you're not like me, And that's the last thing in the World that I would want you to be, I love you but you're not like me, And that's the last thing in the World that I would ever want you to be.

There's a town with the shutters down, There's a place where the fields don't grow, There's a town where there's only snow, There's a land without ground. I just arrived at the train station and it's kind of deserted, There's an old man in an anorak who looks kind of perverted, Just stubbed my toe on something that felt recently murdered, When I cursed under my breath it was like everyone heard it, There's a smell in the air that reminds me of hospitals, They used to have big industry here but they lost it all, Now the local council has a shortage of capital, Ken Loach made a film about here that was largely factual, The houses have hair loss - the hills all have eyes, Following the sound of children's laughter might not be wise, And you can be sure everyone has their alibis, Have your whits about you if you want to leave this place alive. The gates are creaking open but the curtains are all drawn, I don't want to end up trapped on the set of a torture porn, The empty cider bottles replace flowers on the lawn, And the alcoholics howl at the petrochemical dawn, There's a look about this place of budget special effects, All a bit lopsided with hard to place dialects, The coppers are small minded - the cars are burnt out wrecks, And they haven't quite finished that coastal renovation yet, There's no more multiplex cinemas, Greggs or Maccy Dees, Just a working men's club, greasy spoons and nobly knees, The birds are making nests of cigarette butts in the trees, All the best and brightest will be out of here by sixteen. There's an angry postman singing karaoke out of tune, Yesterday's mail won't be arriving any time soon, There's a post apocalyptic kind of vibe - that much is true, But without the odd apocalypse what else is there to do? The only form of conversation is a bitter moan, This place has been abandoned, forgotten. left out in the cold, You's have to be a maniac to expect a business loan, But fuck it! Where's my anorak? There's no place like home.

Sympathy shag, Sympathy shag, I'm holding out for a sympathy shag, Sympathy shag, Sympathy shag, I'm holding out for a sympathy shag. I hate myself and I'm very, very lonely, You're so beautiful - why don't you phone me? I want to tell you all about the problems I have, All the unresolved issues with my Mum and Dad. Maybe we can write sad poetry, Eat ice cream and watch TV, You can hold and comfort me, We'll be happy - wait and see. I don't want to have sex with you, Not unless you want me to, I have problems down below, There's something that you should know. I've never been intimate, Maybe you can help with that, I'm a little lost bobcat, You can fix me just like that. You are everything to me, You can make me cups of tea, Tell me everything's alright, Cry ourselves to sleep at night.

Everybody's started taking heroin again, Once upon a time they were my best and only friends, But now they've all started taking heroin again, And I don't think I approve of this situation. It starts in the liver, Then moves up to the brain, It's an existential crisis, It's a short term solution to long term pain, My influence is not all together positive, I'm partly to blame, Cus everybody's started taking heroin again. Your eyes are like black holes, You can't remember your own name, You're indifferent to constructive criticism, You still remain, In the dead end of your death wish fantasies, Locked out in the rain, Cus everybody's started taking heroin again. Everybody's started taking heroin again, It's a kind of epidemic - it's a crying shame, Cus everybody's started taking heroin again, And I don't think I approve of this situation. Please be reasonable, And put down that needle.

Are there losers? Are there winners? Did Jamie Oliver save school dinners? Are we absolute beginners? Is it all just smoke and mirrors? Is the president a phoney? Is a Lazy Boy more cosy? Do all young girls want a pony? Who is Tony Macaroni? Does a job make you more happy? Should I teach myself karate? Is the new Star Wars film crappy? Whatever happened to Dappy? Is Kendrick Lamar a genius? What is this distance between us? Which dictator is the meanest? Who has got the smallest penis? Is there an excuse for war? What are all the speed bumps for? Who is behind the green door? Need I say anything more? Will there be a resolution? Do we need a constitution? Is recycling the solution? Is cancer caused by air pollution? What's the deal with nine eleven? Do good people go to Heaven? If the Devil is six then is God seven? What shall we do about Kevin? Is Micheal McIntyre funny? Is there such a thing as money? Without bees will there be honey? Is Philadelphia always sunny? What is right and what is wrong? Where have all the flowers gone? Where do all the lonely people belong? What's your karaoke song? Is it selfish to be an artist? What makes the noise of the TARDIS? Which scientist is the smartest? Why did I even get started? What's the Mona Lisa thinking? Should I cut back on my drinking? Something in your eye or winking? Is this ship we're all on sinking? Is my poetry pretentious? Is our universe endless? Is that traffic warden friendless? Is this questioning relentless? Is there such a thing as love? Why is nothing good enough? Who made living so damn tough? Will I wind up sleeping rough? Is there rhyme and is there reason? Why are there only four seasons? Are you still hung for high treason? Can your eyes pop out while sneezing? Which soap star has the most cash? What did I do with my stash? How does sand turn into glass? What makes atoms move so fast? Are we using too much plastic? Is the death sentence too drastic? How strong is knicker elastic? Is Liam Gallagher past it? Political correctness, The way forward or madness? Is this Brexit thing a mess? Could I even care a less?

Life is a thoroughly futile endeavour, It's just something to do, A pantomime to distract from our inevitable demise, A quagmire of misunderstanding we're all wading through, But every once in a while, There's a worthy meander, Down a brightly lit winding country lane, And for a moment there things look like they might get better, So fill up your cup until it's full, And put on your best pair of pants, And when you hear that sweet rock and roll music, Be sure to Dance Dance Dance, Cus we're all animals after all, Slaves to our natural urges, And any attempt to be more than a human being, Is like a two legged man in a one horse race - virtually worthless, So if you fancy tagging along, And making the most of my many imperfections, I'll be sure to put the kettle on, And alphabetise my record collection, Whether you're a lion or a lamb, A wolf or a mollusc, If you can take time to laugh at yourself, I'll consider you one of us, So pick yourself up from thew doldrums, Or wallow there all day log, But whatever you do - do it like you mean it, And then you'll appreciate the planet we all came from, So here's a shout out to all you earthlings, From Bognor Regis to Timbuktu, If you have the time for me, Then I've got time for you.